The Prodigal Love of the Heart of my God

My God is an awesome God!

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25) 

It took less than 24 hours for my Lord to accept my surrender and answer on my terms. No, on better terms than I had asked, and infinitely better terms than I deserve.

I said, "Ok, it has been more than a week, and several people have counseled me to be more patient. I give up wanting my prioress to call me quickly. She will call whenever You will it, Lord. But what I would like is simply to know that they got my application."

And what did I just find in my inbox this morning, but an email from my Novice Mistress, confirming that they got my application and I can hope to hear from the Prioress sometime at the end of this week!

Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love, I thank You--this latest blessing of confirmation is more than I asked for, more than I deserve. But You are not limited by my limitations, for then You would not be God!

With the help of Your grace, Lord, I will praise You all the days of my life!

Your foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and Your weakness is stronger than human strength.

Love vs. False Dichotomy

Here are some signs that I really need to start obeying as I continue to wait for a word from my Prioress...

because I know that

A) Comparison and Dichotomy are really not doing good things in my life right now.

and, even more than that,

B) Love does not make comparisons or engage in false dichotomies.



But how many times over the last few days (and weeks) have I found myself thinking...

"if only I were in the convent already, I'd be more faithful to x, y, z and I would be happier."

How many times have I found myself longing for a quiet space in which to live, for constant participation in the Liturgy, for a simpler, more focused, and even a more productive life?

Because all these things are definitely only possible in the convent, right?

And I can only be happy when I have all these things, when I am finally perfect, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, all wrong! And I think this is part of the Love War, because whenever these thoughts start, others inevitably follow until I am ready to give up on everything.

Here are some counter-points to the lies of darkness and uselessness and futility...
Here are some words of light and grace and truth:

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God, to the holy ones who are [in Ephesus] faithful in Christ Jesus, // grace to you, and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."(Ephesians 1:1-2)

these are the opening lines of Paul's Letter to the Ephesians, which my Novice Mistress assigned me for Lectio Divina back in June. Then, I wondered why the words [in Ephesus] were bracketed. The technical explanation, that any community could be inserted depending on where the letter was read, made sense, but I had another idea. What if location does not matter? What if state in life does not matter either?
What if all that matters is that we are "holy ones who are...faithful in Christ Jesus"?


In "God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" is all my peace, no matter where I am. If I will to remain in His Love, if I will not to let little things annoy me, I can live fully here and now. I can be happy, if only I choose love.

 I am not in a state of limbo, between the life that I have lived until now and my future, real life in the convent. It is the will of God that I live here now and be present to those with whom I live. From the moment I was conceived, I was already living my real life, which is intensified by the Sacraments and by Love.

Love is the only way to live. Everything else is secondary, inconsequential in light of eternity.

Misery passes, earthly happiness fades, too, and even "all perfection has an end" (Ps 119:96),

but "Faith, hope, and love endure, these three, and the greatest of these is Love." (1 Cor 13:13)

Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 
No matter where I am, You tell me that I am already Yours.
No matter how far I fall, You call me back and welcome me with open arms of love.  
I want to live for love this day, and all the days of my life!
Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 

The Queenship of Mary, Waiting Days, and New Beginnings

Source

Today is the Feast of Mary, Queen of Heaven and Earth.

No word yet as to whether the Prioress has received my application (though I trust that she has by now), or whether the letter of recommendation from my spiritual director has arrived yet either. Humanly speaking, my acceptance now rests on the reception of these documents and the mercy and love of the Prioress and her Council.

More fundamentally, all my hopes are pinned on God's good pleasure, and I have two reasons for trust:

1. God would not have let me progress as far as I have unless He willed me to persevere and be accepted.
2. failing 1, God has some other plan for me that I don't yet know, but He will never leave me an orphan.

Meanwhile, my sister is making preparations for a new beginning of her own this fall: she is college bound at the end of this week. So between the two of us alone, there is quiet a bit of anticipation of things to come.

Today is Monday, and there is much for which to give thanks, as always, so here goes:

Lord, thank You for Your 1000+x Gifts; for Your Infinite Love!

-The Queenship of Mary :: This video clip from Sister Act (just for fun!)

-breath slowing these last few days :: deep calm :: God's patience :: precious encouragement here and here
-monarch on the marigolds :: distant thunder :: raspberries ripe again
-Grandparents home safe :: newly minted Master's homecoming today
-sister piecing her quilt :: mother making handkerchiefs :: cat's cradle with littlest sister (stalling her bedtime)
-fun haircut :: no more headaches :: blister healing faster than I'd hoped
-Discovering Gruda's Poetry :: new desire to learn more about the Theology of the Body
-thoughtful letters from friends
-the grace to always wear my Grandfather's Pardon Cross :: broken chain quickly and easily replaced
-the Word, always inviting to begin again in faith, hope, trust and above all, love.

Joining the Gratitude Community at A Holy Experience today and every Monday:

 

Blessed be God forever!

Quiet Waiting Days

Blessed be God forever!
forever, amen!

Yesterday morning, I finished my application.

Yesterday afternoon, I delivered it to the post office.

Now, I wait in trust.

Updates to follow in a few days, God willing...

Blessed be God forever, for ages unending, amen!

Blessed Mannes

From Dominicans Interactive

Today is the feast of Blessed Mannes, one of Saint Dominic's older brothers.

I guess that makes him "Tio Mannes" !

Here is a link to a biography of him.

If I had more time, I'd write more.

But I am putting the finishing touches on my application!

Blessed Tio Mannes, pray for us!
and especially for my dear Sister Mary Mannes on her nameday!

Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love, I trust in You!

late night thanks...

...better late than never. It is not Multitude Monday, but thanksgiving happens everyday, so why not record today's gifts and give thanks to the Gift Giver?

-Lord, I thank You for Your forgiveness and for this amazing story of forgiveness
-the DMV adventure w/ father and sister
-the grace to finish drafting my application letter all the way to the end so that I can send it tomorrow
-family that loves me no matter what
-reminders of that love and God's love everywhere I look
-the recent wonderful visits with family and another one on the horizon
-tomorrow I get to begin again, back to "normal"
-kitchen time after dinner and an episode of Star Trek, cleaning up and dancing and thinking about life
-a gentle hint that maybe "routine" isn't necessarily a great thing if it leads to ruts and anxiety when I break it

Praise be to God, now and evermore.

Song of the day

6:40 am.

Wake up, sleepyhead!

Late again--no more than a few minutes to dress before walking up the road to church with D.

But for the first time in these last few lazy morning days, I was not surprised or upset at my laziness.

There would be time enough for Morning Prayer after Mass. Rosary could wait until later, too.

Nor did the anger and frustration that nearly sent me to bed in tears the night before dare to linger.

Instead, this is the song that rose to my heart and lips as I woke up this morning...

...A song of joy, a song of trust in the Lord:

from Psalm 40: 1, 3

Today, by the grace of God, I am working on writing my application letter in the hope that I will have something to send tomorrow. There is so much on my heart and mind with regards to my vocation, I just have to figure out how best to articulate it in a limited number of words.

With patience, prayer, and perseverence, this letter will get written.

My Jesus, I trust in You!

To be a Victim of Love

These are the words of Father Jean C.J. d'Elbee that I read before going into the examination room this morning, from his conference on The Eucharist:

"Let Him [Jesus] be sure of your smile. To be a victim [of love] is to smile. Total abandonment--'O Jesus, I thank You for everything'--that is enough." (I Believe in Love, 235)

When the nurse called my name, I followed her with prayer. After she had done a basic physical check and explained some things to me, I waited with prayer, and read some more of I Believe in Love...
 
Later, the doctor, perhaps sensing my nervousness and trying to calm me down, said to me, "You're always smiling, aren't you?...you have a beautiful smile!"

It is a smile for God.

I received the Eucharist this morning, and was surrendering at every moment -- surrendering everything to God Alone. He was my strength, and I did not cry out to anyone but Him.

In the end, the test was a success, though I was incredibly weak about the minor discomfort it involved.

And when it was all over, I gave thanks for my good health, and through some tears of joyful relief I pledged my life to God forever.

It is over. They say that the other test is not necessary, praise be to God. All I have left to do is to write a letter. And after that...just wait on God's mercy.

My Jesus, I trust in You!

Daybook: 19th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Today is:

the 19^th Sunday in Ordinary Time

the first day of the Assumption Novena

a rainy day, but that’s o.k. because we needed it, and it kept my sister cool during her ½ marathon this morning!

Today I am most grateful for:

the gift of God’s life within me and the promise of a new week just beginning

the example of Saint Peter in today’s Gospel (Matthew14:22-33), especially as explained by the good Abbot in his homily this morning.

Some Plans for the rest of this Week:

meet with my boss on Monday about the data project which I’ve nearly finished (I think).

work on my application requirements

read the Driver’s Manual and prepare to take the written exam for a learner’s permit

engage more fully in the events of my daily life during this time of continuing discernment

limit internet and blog use; no more than 1 (one) blog post each day, according to one of the following

blog post categories:

Daybook (Sunday Night)—Following the general format of this post (see In the Heart of my Home for more Daybooks)

1000+ gifts (Monday)—Joining the Gratitude community at A Holy Experience with a simple list of God’s numberless gifts in my life

Florilegium (any day)—Quotes from readings (May be drawn from one or more of the following: Office of Readings of the day, Mass Readings, Historical Reading, or Spiritual Reading) some short reflection(s)

The Love War—a short update on how it is going

What I am reading right now:

I just finished John XXIII: The Official Biography, by Mario Benigni and Goffredo Zanchi.

Now, prompted by recent reflections on Hope, I turn to George Weigel’s 864 page masterpiece on Bl. Pope John Paul II; Witness to Hope. It seems fitting also, to read the biography of the Pope of my childhood at this time.

Also, until Thursday, at least, I will continue to prepare for the Gospel reading each day with Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis’ Fire of Mercy, Heart of the Word II, which, alas, ends with Matthew 18:33. After that, for spiritual reading I may turn to I Believe in Love, by Father Jean C.J. d’Elbee, which I had started before my visit to the convent in June, but never finished.

I am creating:

a crochet blanket in orangey pink and two shades of blue...may add other colors later.

also thinking about making a cardigan, but am a little bit daunted by this idea at the moment, since I’ve never done anything more complicated than a blanket, in knitting or crochet.

Upcoming Feasts in the Catholic Church:

Monday: Saint Dominic, Founder of the Order of Preachers

Tuesday: Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross and Blessed John of Salerno, O.P.

Wednesday: Saint Lawrence

Thursday: Saint Clare

Friday: Saint Jane Frances de Chantal

Saturday: Saint Pontian and Saint Hippolytus (who received an interesting nickname from my youngest sister this morning: “Saint Hippopotomus”).

Prayer intentions:

the Dominican Brothers who will receive the Holy Habit on Monday

 my seminarians and priests

friends serving in the armed forces

travelers, especially my father and Mr. Z

Stephanie and all who need God’s grace, strength, mercy, hope, love

and all who are ever dear to me yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Today’s Prayer (from the Liturgy for the 19^th Sunday in Ordinary Time):

Almighty and ever-living God,

Your Spirit made us your children,

confident to call you Father.

Increase your Spirit within us

and bring us to our promised inheritance.

Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,

one God forever and ever.

October.

...the letter's still not finished, and I've other letters to write as well. But it has been a day of grace so far...and despite my best intentions I'm here again, searching for myself all in the words and ideas, hopes, and dreams all tumbling through my head...

...I’m thinking and praying, here, in this quiet space, (though my mind is far from quiet! hoping for words. Words of grace to come tumbling through my fingers. Words to tell them how much I long to be one of them...forever. O Lumen Ecclesiae...Nos junge beatis...

...just brainstorming my application letter as October rushes closer...one recommendation letter has already been written and sent...but I have so much to do! therefore, I do...go!