A Great Victory!

Now I have yet another reason to be proud of my Dominican brethren:

Dominican Province of St. Joseph | Dominicans Triumph Over Marians, 14-8 Blog | op-stjoseph.org

(I never thought I'd be posting baseball scores here, but hey, there's a first time for everything, right?!)

Novena to Our Lady of Sorrows

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Brief Introduction:

The Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows is on September 15th,
the day after the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross.

I am praying this Novena
to Our Lady of Sorrows
for nine days, beginning today,
for the following intentions:

-a greater love for Christ's Cross

-healing for a dear friend




The Novena:

Pray the Hail Mary seven times while meditating on the Seven Sorrows of our Lady: 

*The Prophecy of Simeon
*The Flight into Egypt
*The Loss of Jesus in the Temple
*The Meeting of Jesus and Mary on the Way of the Cross
*The Crucifixion
*The Taking Down of the Body of Jesus from the Cross
*Jesus laid in the Tomb

Let us pray,
 
O God, at Whose passion,
according to the prophesy of holy Simeon,
a sword of grief
pierced the most sweet soul
of the glorious Mary, Virgin and Mother;
grant, in Thy mercy,
that we who honor the memory of her sorrows
may gain the happy fruit of Thy sufferings.
Who livest and reignest
world without end.
Amen.

Multitude Monday

(just an old picture I drew w/Paint a few years ago)

Now, with little more than a month left at home, 

moments are all I have,

and moments are all I have to deal with.

This double truth

is a double grace

and I am giving thanks today 

for God's superabundant gifts of grace: 

 1000+x+32...

-Thursday evening phone call : : a chair to hold me : : joy and thanksgiving running over
- Living Engaged to Him now : : thoughtful responses to my news coming in every day : :
so much love : : so many words of encouragement!

-Catholic family across the road : : tomatoes and strawberries : : talk of engagement with one who understands -she baked an extra loaf of bread for them  

-Señor's wisdom : : sharing his "I told you so" laughter

-no one at home at the wrong door : : orange crescent moon setting over the Bay : : Coyote lessons : : Guardian angel : : encouragement from a Christian friend : : wondering about angels
-I am not alone : : I am not independent

-encouragement from my grandmother to keep writing : : a generous aunt

-fun with K'nex creating Archimedean Excogitation Jr. (a.k.a. the Entropy Machine),
a modified version of the trampoline tower : : teamwork vs entropy
-Discovering George Rhoads and finding a video of the Archimedian Excogitation (Senior) online

-patient friends who do not give up on me, no matter how long it takes to respond to their letters
-fun with rubber stamps and markers

-Family Games on Sunday : : Monopoly after Holy Mass: : Scrabble after Dinner

-a new week for moments.

Joining the Gratitude Community at A Holy Experience today and every Monday:

 

Blessed be God forever!

My Guardian Angel...

Source

...is AMAZING! 

And so are God's people.
Generous people.
Forgiving people.
Kind people.
Helpful people.

+  +  +  +  +

When her parents asked me if I needed a ride home
after a babysitting job late last night,
I said, "I think I'm all set, thanks."

Normally I take a golf cart from the club
up to the other side of the golf course and walk home from there.
It's only about a 3 minute drive followed by a 5 minute walk
all in familiar territory.

source

Late last night, when I got to the carts,
I stopped for a moment, wondering.
What was that noise coming from the woods?
Crazy shrieking, laughing, howling.
Coyote party!

I was terrified.

"Lord, help me! What am I to do?
I can't go home alone tonight!"

And I prayed to my guardian angel
for help and protection
as I swallowed my pride
and went back to the room named "Courageous."

He was very understanding, and came down with me.
He took me home the long way,
the safe way,
 six, seven minutes by car.

 + + + + +

Tonight, I am going back to babysit again.
But this time, I will borrow my mother's cell phone
so that I can call my father late at night
to come take me home the long way,
the safe way,
five, six minutes by car.

Earlier, part of me wanted to attempt the cart drive and walk home
just to prove my faith in the protection of my guardian angel.
I was a little bit ashamed  of being so scared last night!

Then I realized,
thinking about the Guardian Angel prayer,
that my fear was healthy and can be seen as guidance from my Guardian Angel.
After all, his job is not only to protect, but also to guide.

It would have been rash to have attempted to drive the cart through the woods and walk home on my own. Maybe nothing would have happened to me, but I have no way of knowing that.

God's grace works in mysterious ways.
My Guardian Angel saved me from the coyotes last night by letting me be afraid.  

source

And tonight, as the sun sets on another beautiful day,
I prepare to go
and return safely from another babysitting job
with my father's help,
I pray to my Guardian Angel
in thanksgiving for the love he has shown me in the past
and in petition that I may always live under his protection
and in the light of his wisdom:


Guardian Angel
my guardian dear
to whom God's love
commits me here,
Ever this day
be at my side
to light and to guard
to rule and to guide.
Amen.


Thanks be to God for my Guardian Angel,
for my father,
for my mother,
and for the kind people of Courageous.

Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love,
I love You!

Into Deep Water...

 

The phone rang yesterday evening.

It was so good to hear her voice again, at last!

Someone thoughtfully set a chair behind me 

 as I exclaimed, "Thanks be to God!"

And now, everything is different 

even though nothing has changed.

I am setting out into deep water this September, 

 but not leaving my childhood home until October.

Already, but not yet...

 I am no longer an aspirant, Lord, what am I?

Engaged!

Thanks be to God! 

September's Invitation and Challange

from today's Gospel:

"Put out into deep water..." (Luke 5:4)

This was Jesus' invitation to Simon and his companions.

Obedience to God's call leads to participation in His life,
an abundance of grace far beyond our understanding.

Two thousand years later, his invitation still stands for each one of us.

How will I respond?

Luke says this of the disciples:

"When they brought their boats to the shore, 

they left everything and followed him." (Luke 5:11)

I want to live these lines from the Gospel this month.
Every day, in big and small ways.

Courage.

Integrity.

Humility.

Detachment.

Obedience.

and above all, Love!

Love says,

"Do not be afraid." (Luke 5:10)

Lord, I am not afraid,
as long as You are with me.
Help me to do the Father's Will.
Help me to pray well for the fishers of men,
for the salvation of souls
that all may glorify Your Holy Name.

Saint Peter's Mother In Law

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This is my 100th post!

Today, I finally get to explain
why Saint Peter's Mother In Law
is one of the principal patronesses of this blog.

Today, Holy Mother Church places her story
before us for the second time this summer.

Last time, Matthew told it. 

This time, Luke is our witness.

God laid the groundwork
for my devotion to this holy woman throughout my life,
but I did not begin to realize this until June 25, 2011.

My three-week visit to the convent was nearly over.



That morning, during my spiritual reading time before Holy Mass,
I read Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis' commentary
on Matthew 8:14-15, part of the Gospel for the day.

I was amazed at how Leiva-Merikakis took two seemingly simple verses
(that I would have skimmed over so quickly and thoughtlessly without his help)
and expounded on them so beautifully for three pages,
just a few hundred words that changed my life
just a little.

The pericope of the healing of Saint Peter's Mother in Law
came alive for me that day,
and I realized that her story is my story too.

In school as a student of Theology,
I was taught that the references to Saint Peter's Mother in Law in Matthew, Mark, and Luke
can be used to prove that Saint Peter was married,
so that can be used as an argument for married clergy.

"Peter, the first Pope, was married, so why can't priests marry today?"

I'm not going to argue against this idea in any length here,
though I believe that Peter was probably a widower by the time he became Pope,
and possibly before he even met Jesus.
But all this is speculation and beside the point,
and I am sorry that it used to distract me from what the texts actually say.

But to get back to Leiva-Merikakis' reflection on the healing of Peter's Mother in Law...
it is absolutely beautiful.

Here are just a few lines:

"The text [of Matthew] literally says, 'He saw her...and he touched her hand...and she was raised up and she began to serve him.' These four particular verbs in this particular sequence offer us a magnificent summary of the whole Christian life." (Fire of Mercy, Heart of the Word I, p. 341)

So I rejoice this day, as Holy Mother Church picked Luke's account of the same story for part of today's Gospel:

Luke 4:38-39

"After he [Jesus] left the synagogue, he entered the house of Simon. Simon's mother-in-law was afflicted with a severe fever, and they interceded with him about her. He stood over her, rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up immediately and waited on them."

Same story, different angles...

Jesus' authority to heal by simply speaking words is emphasized here,  in Luke's Gospel,
and it is interesting to note that He had just amazed the people by curing a demoniac by His Word.
In Matthew's Gospel, Jesus cures Peter's mother-in-law by touching her; here His Word suffices.

Of the three accounts, Luke's is the only one where Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law
before He calls Peter to follow Him.
I am not quite sure what to make of this, but it is definitely something to think about.

Luke and Mark both mention that others interceded for Peter's mother-in-law with Jesus,
while Matthew tells us that Jesus simply saw her lying there
and decided to heal her without being explicitly asked by anyone.
In this regard, I am torn, because I like both versions of the story.
I like the idea of intercessory prayer,
which is a huge part of my vocation and part of the inspiration behind the title of this blog.
However, I also believe that God's mercy needs no invitation,
that His healing graces are freely offered whether we ask for them or not.
So, I'm going to keep thinking about this, too.

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By the way, since this post is way too long already,
I'm just about done here.
If you've made it this far, you deserve a treat!
escape by clicking this second picture...
it will take you to a beautiful reflection
by Saint Francis de Sales
on the healing of Saint Peter's Mother-in-Law.
(I believe he is working from Mark's account.)

+   +   +

Saint Peter's Mother-in-Law,
pray for us!
Help us to recognize the ways in which 
we have been healed by God's mercy and grace,
and to serve our Lord in love
all the days of our lives
as you did.
We ask this through Christ our Lord, 
Amen.

The Prodigal Love of the Heart of my God

My God is an awesome God!

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25) 

It took less than 24 hours for my Lord to accept my surrender and answer on my terms. No, on better terms than I had asked, and infinitely better terms than I deserve.

I said, "Ok, it has been more than a week, and several people have counseled me to be more patient. I give up wanting my prioress to call me quickly. She will call whenever You will it, Lord. But what I would like is simply to know that they got my application."

And what did I just find in my inbox this morning, but an email from my Novice Mistress, confirming that they got my application and I can hope to hear from the Prioress sometime at the end of this week!

Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love, I thank You--this latest blessing of confirmation is more than I asked for, more than I deserve. But You are not limited by my limitations, for then You would not be God!

With the help of Your grace, Lord, I will praise You all the days of my life!

Your foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and Your weakness is stronger than human strength.

Giving thanks after Irene

Giving thanks today...

for the gifts and graces of this beautiful weekend and day:

-sharing laughs with family over the escapades of Sister Bertrille + co.
-babysitting one of God's most precious little angels : : she lives and I am blessed : : hidden grace
-reading the Word on the bridge as she slept in her stroller : : more peace in my soul than I'd had in days
-I sang my favorite songs to her, not embarrassed or self-conscious at all : :  moonless night : : home safe
-F's move to college went well
-the mystery of God's will and providence making good out of my failure : : new arrangement for girls' room
-We made it safely through the storm : : the basement did not flood : : K'nex on this side, Legos on the other
-his gentle reminder that I need to be more patient
-understanding her and loving her more : : good neighbors "roughing it" together
-deep sleep in the pitch dark : : morning dawning beautiful and clear
-the example of John the Baptist, whose feast day is today: "I must decrease, and He must increase!"
-morning clean-up teamwork: : oreos, melted ice-cream, + cherries as a snack for hungry workers
-Our Lady's Statue is back in the garden!
-power came back quicker than expected : : enjoying the luxury of a hot shower at home! : : internet access

Joining the Gratitude Community at A Holy Experience today and every Monday:

 

Blessed be God forever!

Love vs. False Dichotomy

Here are some signs that I really need to start obeying as I continue to wait for a word from my Prioress...

because I know that

A) Comparison and Dichotomy are really not doing good things in my life right now.

and, even more than that,

B) Love does not make comparisons or engage in false dichotomies.



But how many times over the last few days (and weeks) have I found myself thinking...

"if only I were in the convent already, I'd be more faithful to x, y, z and I would be happier."

How many times have I found myself longing for a quiet space in which to live, for constant participation in the Liturgy, for a simpler, more focused, and even a more productive life?

Because all these things are definitely only possible in the convent, right?

And I can only be happy when I have all these things, when I am finally perfect, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, all wrong! And I think this is part of the Love War, because whenever these thoughts start, others inevitably follow until I am ready to give up on everything.

Here are some counter-points to the lies of darkness and uselessness and futility...
Here are some words of light and grace and truth:

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God, to the holy ones who are [in Ephesus] faithful in Christ Jesus, // grace to you, and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."(Ephesians 1:1-2)

these are the opening lines of Paul's Letter to the Ephesians, which my Novice Mistress assigned me for Lectio Divina back in June. Then, I wondered why the words [in Ephesus] were bracketed. The technical explanation, that any community could be inserted depending on where the letter was read, made sense, but I had another idea. What if location does not matter? What if state in life does not matter either?
What if all that matters is that we are "holy ones who are...faithful in Christ Jesus"?


In "God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" is all my peace, no matter where I am. If I will to remain in His Love, if I will not to let little things annoy me, I can live fully here and now. I can be happy, if only I choose love.

 I am not in a state of limbo, between the life that I have lived until now and my future, real life in the convent. It is the will of God that I live here now and be present to those with whom I live. From the moment I was conceived, I was already living my real life, which is intensified by the Sacraments and by Love.

Love is the only way to live. Everything else is secondary, inconsequential in light of eternity.

Misery passes, earthly happiness fades, too, and even "all perfection has an end" (Ps 119:96),

but "Faith, hope, and love endure, these three, and the greatest of these is Love." (1 Cor 13:13)

Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 
No matter where I am, You tell me that I am already Yours.
No matter how far I fall, You call me back and welcome me with open arms of love.  
I want to live for love this day, and all the days of my life!
Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 

A Rose of Suffering

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 Today is the feast day of Saint Rose of Lima, a third-order Dominican and the first canonized saint of the Americas.

 Here are two quotes from the writings of Saint Rose, in the Office of Readings for today:

"We cannot obtain grace unless we suffer afflictions. We must heap trouble upon trouble to attain a deep participation in the divine nature, the glory of the sons of God and perfect happiness of soul."

"No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men."

Saint Rose of Lima,
pray for us,
that we may bear our splinters of the Cross
with joy and thanksgiving as you did,
for the glory of God and the salvation of souls!

The Queenship of Mary, Waiting Days, and New Beginnings

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Today is the Feast of Mary, Queen of Heaven and Earth.

No word yet as to whether the Prioress has received my application (though I trust that she has by now), or whether the letter of recommendation from my spiritual director has arrived yet either. Humanly speaking, my acceptance now rests on the reception of these documents and the mercy and love of the Prioress and her Council.

More fundamentally, all my hopes are pinned on God's good pleasure, and I have two reasons for trust:

1. God would not have let me progress as far as I have unless He willed me to persevere and be accepted.
2. failing 1, God has some other plan for me that I don't yet know, but He will never leave me an orphan.

Meanwhile, my sister is making preparations for a new beginning of her own this fall: she is college bound at the end of this week. So between the two of us alone, there is quiet a bit of anticipation of things to come.

Today is Monday, and there is much for which to give thanks, as always, so here goes:

Lord, thank You for Your 1000+x Gifts; for Your Infinite Love!

-The Queenship of Mary :: This video clip from Sister Act (just for fun!)

-breath slowing these last few days :: deep calm :: God's patience :: precious encouragement here and here
-monarch on the marigolds :: distant thunder :: raspberries ripe again
-Grandparents home safe :: newly minted Master's homecoming today
-sister piecing her quilt :: mother making handkerchiefs :: cat's cradle with littlest sister (stalling her bedtime)
-fun haircut :: no more headaches :: blister healing faster than I'd hoped
-Discovering Gruda's Poetry :: new desire to learn more about the Theology of the Body
-thoughtful letters from friends
-the grace to always wear my Grandfather's Pardon Cross :: broken chain quickly and easily replaced
-the Word, always inviting to begin again in faith, hope, trust and above all, love.

Joining the Gratitude Community at A Holy Experience today and every Monday:

 

Blessed be God forever!

Gruda's Words

George Weigel's Witness to Hope is one of the best biographies I have ever read. It is clear, compelling, and as I read, several things happen:

1. I am constantly amazed at how much Blessed John Paul II had to overcome (especially in Communist Poland) and how much he achieved throughout his life. 
2. I grow more and more grateful for the life and ministry of this pope of my childhood, who I did not immediately appreciate as I should have. But I'm making up for lost time now!
3. The humor, wisdom, and faith of Blessed John Paul II inspire and challenge me, and I finally discover the richness of his theological and philosophical insights more fully (and at the same time, I also come to recognize the flaws in my own thinking more deeply)
4. Often, when Weigel references certain writings of Blessed John Paul II I feel compelled to add them to my reading list, or if they are short, look them up immediately. 

On that note, in a chapter of Witness to Hope that I read a few days ago, Weigel references Blessed John Paul II's poetry. Thankfully, (but not to my surprise) my father has a copy of Karol Wojtyla, Collected Poems, which I pulled from the shelf and perused a bit, to my edification.

Jerzy Peterkiewicz, the translator of thise collection, explains that the cycle entitled "Meditation on Death" was first published "under the pen name Gruda, which means 'a clod of earth'" (147) 

Gruda is a fitting name for the author of this cycle, though if I may be permitted to write this, Blessed Pope John Paul II was one of the greatest 'clods of earth' who helped us transition from one century to the next. Still, as the name he chose to pen this cycle under, "Gruda" evokes both the virtue of humility and the admonition from Ash Wednesday: "remember, o man, that you are dust; unto dust you shall return."

That being said (whew, I was beginning to think I'd never get here!), there are three passages from "Gruda's" cycle in particular that struck me because of their relevance to the season of my life and/or their reference(s) to hope:

1) from the first part of "Meditation on Death" -- Thoughts on maturing, section 3, page 150:

"When we find ourselves at the shores of autumn, 

fear and love explode their contrary desires:

fear desiring the return to what was already in existence,

and still is-

love desiring the departure to the One

in whom existence finds all its future."

the shores of autumn: the mornings are growing cooler, and this summer of my life is nearly over, there will be others, God willing, but this one is ending. With this ending, I hope, comes a new beginning, too...but
fear and love explode in their contrary desires...: for all the calm that I have tried to cultivate in my heart during these quiet waiting days,  so much questioning and thinking goes on;  fear and love still war in my heart.
"Gruda's" meditation on death holds true for more than one kind of death. There is no doubt that the day I enter the convent, if this is God's will for me, I will die in some sense. To myself and to the world. And I will live again, my life hidden in God, the One in whom existence finds all its future.

+  +  +

2) from the fourth part of "Meditation on Death"-- Hope reaching beyond the limit, section 1, page 156:

"Hope rises in time

from all places subject to death-

hope is its counterweight.

The dying world unveils its life again

in hope."

I read in this passage another sense of death, this one more literal. Death and decay, sinfulness, all that threatens to separate us from God. But Hope is stronger than all. God has shown me this every day of my life.

Hope rises...

+  +  +

3) from the fourth part of "Meditation on Death"-- Hope reaching beyond the limit, section 5, page 158:

"And so I am inscribed in You

by hope,

outside You I cannot exist."

(This is my closing prayer, no further comment necessary.)

Who do you say that I Am?

"He said to them, 

'But who do you say that I Am?'"

-Matthew 16:15

Jesus, Love, with this pressing question from today's Gospel, I am confronted by my own utter poverty in the face of Who You Are.

Are You the same to me as You were to Your disciples, as Peter recognized You on the road to Caesarea Philippi? :

"You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God"

-Matthew 16:16

Can I make this confession of faith with Saint Peter and Holy Mother Church throughout the centuries? Or would I only betray my own hypocrisy by such a confession?

If only I truly knew You, Lord - If I truly understood Who You Are - I think my life would be radically different. I would be better...

No, then, maybe I do not know Who You Are. But that does not mean that I am utterly lost forever, or that my faith is in vain. No, it means that my faith is all the more precious, my hope in You is all the more necessary for my life.

I call You by many names: Jesus Love, Lord of my Heart, Bone Jesu, Jesu Dulce, Jesu Carissime, Domine...

But how often I fall short in my response to Your love! and how greatly I have failed in my role of servant, sister, and (dare I write it?) lover and future spouse!

Yet Your love conquers all my weakness, Your mercy sees only what is good in me - Your life. Every day, I fall and fail to recognize Who You Are. I guess I can say Who You Are more easily than I can live it. Maybe there is a disconnect between my head and my heart. No, I know that there is.

But I trust in Your mercy and in Your love, Lord. I trust in the prayers of the other conspirators in Heaven and on earth. Someday, You will bridge the gap between my head and my heart once and for all. And I shall know Who You Are.

In the meantime, my Jesus, you ask me a question today, as You asked Peter and the others a thousand yesterdays ago, and as You will continue to ask the Church, collectively and individually throughout all her tomorrows.

You ask me,

"Who do you say that I Am?"

and I say this now, before the whole world. I give witness, even if this witness convicts me.

You Are...God.      (and I am she who is nothing.)

and that is enough. 

Quiet Waiting Days

Blessed be God forever!
forever, amen!

Yesterday morning, I finished my application.

Yesterday afternoon, I delivered it to the post office.

Now, I wait in trust.

Updates to follow in a few days, God willing...

Blessed be God forever, for ages unending, amen!

Love vs. Dualism

(source)

This is an excerpt of how George Weigel explains Father Karol Wojtyla's  philosophy and theology of responsible love:

"In freely giving myself sexually to another as an expression of love, I am being myself in a most radical way, for I am making myself a gift to another in a way that is a profound expression of who I am." (Weigel, George. Witness to Hope, 142)

I was struck by this passage, and I wonder if this holds true for every chaste relationship, including those in which the partners remain celibate?

Every day, I strive to dedicate everything I am, have, and do, completely to God, including my sexuality. It is all God's initiative, though.

God not only invites me to give myself freely to Him in the totality of my being (which is itself His gift to me), but He also gives me the grace to do so. In this give and take between the Lord and my soul, I really do discover who I am, at the core of my being.

I once thought that, as someone who hopes to be a nun, sexual ethics and the Theology of the Body would not be important to me.

Now, I am just beginning to realize that I just might have been wrong about this!

In fact, I have been fighting dualistic tendencies of thinking all my life (holy father, Saint Dominic, pray for me!), and here is an answer to them:

I believe that I am a body-mind-soul unity, made for the praise of God's glory in the totality of my being. I cannot just choose to cast off my body, abuse it, or ignore it (as if it would ever let me anyway) without losing my humanity and betraying a huge part of God's will for my life.

In fact, all this talk of me and my body, my body as an 'it' is just feeding into the dualistic mentality. I am so bad at using language!

I am my body, and my body is me. But, unlike the materialists, I believe in the existence of an immortal soul as well. A few  years ago, on a Philosophy exam in college, I did a little bit of speculation as to what the soul is/does:

"As a Catholic, I believe that the soul does exist, and that it is the source of my fundamental identity. It is the part of me that shall never die, even though the body and my brain will one day decay. (Remember o man that you are dust and unto dust you shall return!)...The soul is that which unites the body and the mind, thereby making me a single entity...I am my soul, my soul is me. We cannot be separated or distinguished from one another." (from my practice notes, which I saved) 

At any rate, this book...

(Source)

...is now on my reading list (though it is doubtful that I will get to it anytime soon, as I still have 800+ pages to go in Witness to Hope! and other books in line ahead of it).

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, an amateur theologian
(and even worse philosopher!)
struggling to grasp the truth of my existence
in light of Your Love and Your Truth!

My Jesus, I love You.
My Jesus, I trust in You.
My Jesus, I give myself entirely to You!

Maronite Monks of Adoration

A friend mentioned this community in a recent letter.

Maronites are members of the Eastern branch of the Catholic church who have parts of their liturgy in Aramaic. Being attracted to things Eastern, as evidenced here, here, and here, I am a little bit jealous of these monks right now.

At any rate, their vocation video is absolutely beautiful, and well worth watching.

After watching that, although I know speculation is vain, I think that if I did not have my heart set on the Dominican Order, I might easily find myself wondering why there is no monastery of Maronite Nuns of Adoration for me to join.

As it is, I hope and pray to be accepted as a postulant to my Dominican monastery, even while I rejoice at the unity and diversity of all the orders in the Catholic Church. Indeed, the word "Catholic" suddenly has a new depth of meaning for me!

Blessed be God forever, for ages unending, amen!

Blessed Mannes

From Dominicans Interactive

Today is the feast of Blessed Mannes, one of Saint Dominic's older brothers.

I guess that makes him "Tio Mannes" !

Here is a link to a biography of him.

If I had more time, I'd write more.

But I am putting the finishing touches on my application!

Blessed Tio Mannes, pray for us!
and especially for my dear Sister Mary Mannes on her nameday!

Sweet Jesus, Jesus Love, I trust in You!

late night thanks...

...better late than never. It is not Multitude Monday, but thanksgiving happens everyday, so why not record today's gifts and give thanks to the Gift Giver?

-Lord, I thank You for Your forgiveness and for this amazing story of forgiveness
-the DMV adventure w/ father and sister
-the grace to finish drafting my application letter all the way to the end so that I can send it tomorrow
-family that loves me no matter what
-reminders of that love and God's love everywhere I look
-the recent wonderful visits with family and another one on the horizon
-tomorrow I get to begin again, back to "normal"
-kitchen time after dinner and an episode of Star Trek, cleaning up and dancing and thinking about life
-a gentle hint that maybe "routine" isn't necessarily a great thing if it leads to ruts and anxiety when I break it

Praise be to God, now and evermore.

still counting on His forgiveness...

...because morning aspirations and ejaculations of trust don't always make it through to the end of the day.

At the end of the afternoon, I take stock and find my credit running too high, waters rising over my head again.

It's been another nearly-wasted day according to my dim eyes that can't see through to the other side of this storm looming large. Anger, frustration, doubt, despair break out and I run away from the most ordinary task because I can't seem to pull myself together. I just leave the table half-set for dinner and escape to a corner by myself. I can't let the others see the terror in my heart, my heart just shattering, and for what?

Can lack of perspective be forgiven? Can selfishness? I forget Who I'm dealing with, sometimes.

I ask Him,

"Lord, why did you die for this mess that is my life?

In light of what You suffered on the crucifix for my sake, what have I to cry about?"

And he says,

"Mary, it's all right. I love you and I forgive you everything. and I will forgive everything as many times as you need to be forgiven."

He tells me not to worry. And I do my best, but think seriously that I do need to get to confession soon. "It has been too long, Lord, forgive me." 

"Whenever you can make it, Mary, in the meantime, don't worry. I have already forgiven you."

As the storm ends, my sister comes in to ask me: "do you want water with dinner, Mary?"

"yes, please,"

I realize that she has picked up the pieces that I left behind, and finished the job I started. I thank her. And the storm is all blown away by love and forgiveness, just in time for dinner.

Before I leave the room, I look at my pillow.

One tear mark is shaped like a heart. 

I am loved,

and forgiven.

and now, hours later, as I write this, He says,  "Go and do likewise..."

"tomorrow, I will, Lord, with the help of Your grace. Today is spent, and maybe spent well after all?"

Song of the day

6:40 am.

Wake up, sleepyhead!

Late again--no more than a few minutes to dress before walking up the road to church with D.

But for the first time in these last few lazy morning days, I was not surprised or upset at my laziness.

There would be time enough for Morning Prayer after Mass. Rosary could wait until later, too.

Nor did the anger and frustration that nearly sent me to bed in tears the night before dare to linger.

Instead, this is the song that rose to my heart and lips as I woke up this morning...

...A song of joy, a song of trust in the Lord:

from Psalm 40: 1, 3

Today, by the grace of God, I am working on writing my application letter in the hope that I will have something to send tomorrow. There is so much on my heart and mind with regards to my vocation, I just have to figure out how best to articulate it in a limited number of words.

With patience, prayer, and perseverence, this letter will get written.

My Jesus, I trust in You!