Thursday, August 25, 2011

Love vs. False Dichotomy

Here are some signs that I really need to start obeying as I continue to wait for a word from my Prioress...

because I know that

A) Comparison and Dichotomy are really not doing good things in my life right now.

and, even more than that,

B) Love does not make comparisons or engage in false dichotomies.

But how many times over the last few days (and weeks) have I found myself thinking...

"if only I were in the convent already, I'd be more faithful to x, y, z and I would be happier."

How many times have I found myself longing for a quiet space in which to live, for constant participation in the Liturgy, for a simpler, more focused, and even a more productive life?

Because all these things are definitely only possible in the convent, right?

And I can only be happy when I have all these things, when I am finally perfect, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, all wrong! And I think this is part of the Love War, because whenever these thoughts start, others inevitably follow until I am ready to give up on everything.

Here are some counter-points to the lies of darkness and uselessness and futility...
Here are some words of light and grace and truth:

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God, to the holy ones who are [in Ephesus] faithful in Christ Jesus, // grace to you, and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."(Ephesians 1:1-2)

these are the opening lines of Paul's Letter to the Ephesians, which my Novice Mistress assigned me for Lectio Divina back in June. Then, I wondered why the words [in Ephesus] were bracketed. The technical explanation, that any community could be inserted depending on where the letter was read, made sense, but I had another idea. What if location does not matter? What if state in life does not matter either?
What if all that matters is that we are "holy ones who are...faithful in Christ Jesus"?

In "God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" is all my peace, no matter where I am. If I will to remain in His Love, if I will not to let little things annoy me, I can live fully here and now. I can be happy, if only I choose love.

 I am not in a state of limbo, between the life that I have lived until now and my future, real life in the convent. It is the will of God that I live here now and be present to those with whom I live. From the moment I was conceived, I was already living my real life, which is intensified by the Sacraments and by Love.

Love is the only way to live. Everything else is secondary, inconsequential in light of eternity.

Misery passes, earthly happiness fades, too, and even "all perfection has an end" (Ps 119:96),

but "Faith, hope, and love endure, these three, and the greatest of these is Love." (1 Cor 13:13)

Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 
No matter where I am, You tell me that I am already Yours.
No matter how far I fall, You call me back and welcome me with open arms of love.  
I want to live for love this day, and all the days of my life!
Blessed may You be, Lord, God of Love. 

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