Who do you say that I Am?

"He said to them, 

'But who do you say that I Am?'"

-Matthew 16:15

Jesus, Love, with this pressing question from today's Gospel, I am confronted by my own utter poverty in the face of Who You Are.

Are You the same to me as You were to Your disciples, as Peter recognized You on the road to Caesarea Philippi? :

"You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God"

-Matthew 16:16

Can I make this confession of faith with Saint Peter and Holy Mother Church throughout the centuries? Or would I only betray my own hypocrisy by such a confession?

If only I truly knew You, Lord - If I truly understood Who You Are - I think my life would be radically different. I would be better...

No, then, maybe I do not know Who You Are. But that does not mean that I am utterly lost forever, or that my faith is in vain. No, it means that my faith is all the more precious, my hope in You is all the more necessary for my life.

I call You by many names: Jesus Love, Lord of my Heart, Bone Jesu, Jesu Dulce, Jesu Carissime, Domine...

But how often I fall short in my response to Your love! and how greatly I have failed in my role of servant, sister, and (dare I write it?) lover and future spouse!

Yet Your love conquers all my weakness, Your mercy sees only what is good in me - Your life. Every day, I fall and fail to recognize Who You Are. I guess I can say Who You Are more easily than I can live it. Maybe there is a disconnect between my head and my heart. No, I know that there is.

But I trust in Your mercy and in Your love, Lord. I trust in the prayers of the other conspirators in Heaven and on earth. Someday, You will bridge the gap between my head and my heart once and for all. And I shall know Who You Are.

In the meantime, my Jesus, you ask me a question today, as You asked Peter and the others a thousand yesterdays ago, and as You will continue to ask the Church, collectively and individually throughout all her tomorrows.

You ask me,

"Who do you say that I Am?"

and I say this now, before the whole world. I give witness, even if this witness convicts me.

You Are...God.      (and I am she who is nothing.)

and that is enough.