Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Can Failures Be Forgiven?

<10:45 am-11:05am>

I failed in one of my goals: the one about only posting once each day. Willfully failed. And now, oddly enough, the internet no longer connects for me this morning. But I still feel compelled to write. Maybe Someone is trying to teach me not to set un-realistic goals? I cannot hold back the words, cannot keep to one post each day as I wanted. Because I have to write my days here. I have to record the joys and the sorrows, the struggles, and the lessons, the successes, and the failures. Of course, I cannot let my internet life consume my real life, in the world with living breathing people, my family and neighbors. A line must be drawn somewhere. The question is, where?

Even as I grapple with this question, I am grateful, so grateful that I was allowed to see the photos of my Dominican Brother Novices on the Vocation Blog, and rejoice in the dramatic Name Revelation of each of them before the internet stopped working down here. But the waiting—though it was only two days, it seemed like forever—is over. His name is Peter Joseph, and he is my brother.

*  *  *  *  *

And I am no less grateful that Ann Voscamp’s grace-filled words loaded for me as well. It is “Walk With Him Wednesday” at A Holy Experience, and she writes on forgiveness today...

Which prompted the question, “Who do I need to forgive today?”

Myself, first of all. As the song goes, “It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, O Lord, standing in the need of prayer...” and the same might be said of forgiveness. If I am not right with myself, I cannot be right with anyone else either: not with my family and neighbors, and not with God.

So what threatens to hold me back from self-forgiveness? Nothing, if I have a will to let go of everything. God has forgiven me all, and I cast all into the deepest ocean of His unfathomable Love. Everything, Lord. Only by letting go of my doubts, weaknesses, and failures can I truly live my life fully. Here and now. This was true in the Dominican Monastery while I was there for three weeks in June, and it is still true now, during my sojourn back in the world, even if it is harder to practice out here.

But it is time to go. Maybe I will post this later, if I am allowed back on the internet this afternoon. In the meantime, I think I should go help with a bit of housekeeping and perhaps read some of Witness to Hope before lunch if I have time.

Lord, everything I am is Yours.
Help me, I beg You, to be living witness of Your life.
To forgive as I have been forgiven.
To love as I have been loved.
To be a conduit of Your hope for others.
Let me walk with You all the days of my life, Lord!

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