Monday, July 25, 2011

New Life Within...and more evidence!

In an ordinary relationship, it is the woman—the wife—who tells her husband that she is expecting a child. I am not in an ordinary relationship. Still, it came as a great surprise and a bit of a shock when, while I was spending an hour at Adoration in the Presence of the Most Blessed Sacrament on Friday afternoon, my Lord said to me,“Mary, we are pregnant!” Needless to say, I’ve pondering the mystery ever since, in incredulous joy. I cannot discredit it, for I have been told that He speaks through my imagination, and I trust this revelation. It is one of those absolutely crazy ideas that I cannot disbelieve, let alone forget...

In truth, there is no child in my womb—I know this—it is impossible, but I tend to imagine that there is anyway because of the strong imagery involved in the latest revelation of God’s love for me. The fact that I have freely chosen a life of virginity does not change the fact that my body was made for childbearing; my sexuality is not negated by my choice to live in celibacy.  On the other hand, I believe and hope that someday I may be a spiritual mother to many, if the good Lord wills it, though at the moment I am nothing more than everyone’s littlest sister in Christ. Still, sometimes, even now, I ache with longing for the motherhood that I know will never be mine. Although this womb of mine is not barren, it will never know the joys and pains of carrying the child of a man. These breasts of mine will never nurse, these arms will never hold a daughter or son of my blood. My Lord has chosen me, and I, in turn, can choose no one but Him. Indeed, He been gracious to me already, poor, faithless lover though I am. And so the three words, “We are pregnant!” have now become a cry of gladness and thanksgiving, as well as an invitation to deeper love.

“We are pregnant!” And I am filled with joy for the life He has mercifully granted me. This new life within me will not take nine months to come to birth; it will take a lifetime to mature—my lifetime. This pregnancy of ours, it is Love. It is the Word taking root within my heart. It is the very Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, my daily Divine Guest. It is all Grace, a work beyond my comprehension and power to effect. This Love, this Word, this Guest, this Grace—this child within me marks me out and sets me apart from the others around me as belonging to God Alone. This marking out and setting apart is not for my glorification, but for God’s, and it must bear good fruit toward this end.

“We are pregnant!” I bear His child, His life within me; I belong to Him. I may admit no other lover: not the world or its goods; not a man or even myself. But I am called to love and serve all in God, in everything I do each moment of every day. By loving the One, I am freed to love all. It is His love that will make mine fruitful for the salvation of souls and for the glory of God the Father.

“We are pregnant!” And my life is forever changed. These things take time, I know, and I am weak; I will fall many, many times, unless the Lord upholds me by His grace (Lord, please!), but above all, I trust In His mercy and love. How can I not? We are pregnant, Lord, and I am Yours forever!

Giving thanks to God today for His 1000+X+ 32 gifts:
  1. bean plants taking root in the garden
  2.  blue-boxed staples replenished by patient co-workers
  3. homemade raspberry peach pie and vanilla icecream
  4. coolness of the basement on a very hot day
  5. new songs to sight read at piano practice and growing confidence
  6. walking and talking to her on the way to morning Mass--our daily ritual
  7. running wild to breakfast with her after Mass (once in a while, I can't help it!)
  8. late Rhododendron blossoms
  9. safe homecoming of the Lourdes pilgrims
  10. Lectio is once again becoming part of my daily life
  11. hidden beauty in grains of sand, now gracing my desktop (H/T to A Holy Experience)...constant reminder to give thanks for the "seemingly small and insignificant."
  12. Kids Songs Sleepyheads tape--memories from childhood and sweet love now
  13. His enigmatic announcement, made with love--such tender love!
  14. "We are pregnant!"
  15. Eucharistic Life
  16. Words of Life
  17. Kingdom of God breaking in every day
  18. wineberries
  19. rainbows from the garden hose
  20. wild thunderstorm... "They must be bowling up there again" quoth my mother. 
  21.  Greek New Testament
  22. Dominican Preaching
  23. custody of the eyes and complete oblivion to superfluity (if only for two minutes)
  24. crossing paths
  25. time to sit quietly alone by the Bay and think. Just think. and be.
  26. the loon and the seagull keeping company on a rock by the bay
  27. the ever-present lone loon reminds me of Franciscan Friars of the Renewal who loved to watch it (they thought it was one crazy bird, the way it would dive underwater and disappear for minutes at a time!) when they were here two summers ago
  28. catching up on sleep, gently waking ("in vain is your earlier rising, your going later to rest" Ps 27:2) 
  29. Blueberry muffins for breakfast
  30. following in my brother's footsteps, trying to keep pace with his long strides on the way to Mass, praying silently for my priests and seminarians.  
  31. free day after Mass for reading, study, cross-stitching, reflecting, writing, and prayer before the start of another busy week
  32. ...and many more gifts to come, straight from His Heart!
Joining the Gratitude Community at A Holy Experience today and every Monday:

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